Oh, “Rogue Warrior.” One of 2009’s most hated games, at least insofar as the gaming press was concerned. This one, like “Soldier of Fortune” before it, takes a real-life badass and wraps a highly fictitious game around his exploits. In this case, that badass is Navy Seal Dick Marcinko, a bearded, pony-tailed, knife-wielding “rogue warrior” voiced by actor Mickey Rourke. Set during the height of the Cold War, Marcinko’s goal is to… well, stop a bunch of nukes by blowing things up and stabbing people in the face. A lot. In terms of plot, there really isn’t anything worthy of note.
The game plays like “Rainbow Six: Vegas” meets the latest “Turok” game – although that description sounds rather too kind, but I’ll get into that in a moment. Essentially, you play from an FPS perspective, but you can (and will) take cover behind objects and walls, which switches the game into a third person mode much like the aforementioned “Vegas.” Getting up close and personal with your enemies, however, sees Marcinko going all Turok on them with his knife, mincing human beings with the same brutality Turok used to wage his anti-dinosaur campaign. Canned animations depict gory, cinematic deaths that can be pretty satisfying. It’s just unfortunate that there isn’t more variety to these kills, as they may well represent the best part of the game save for the fact that close quarters kills can be very disorienting in the midst of a protracted gunfight with several enemies. Also, in a nod to complete and total realism, Marcinko is invulnerable to bullets for the duration of the kill.
Gunfights are certainly not “Rainbow Six: Vegas” in quality, though they can’t help but summon up comparisons to said game. Still, most of your arsenal packs a decent wallop, and some of the battles can prove more enjoyable than one might expect given the game’s infamous reputation. Sure, enemy AI is pretty lacking, but I’m a sucker for mowing down waves of bad guys. It’s just too bad you do most of this in typical FPS environs like factories, warehouses, and nuclear missile silos. And on top of that, the game’s graphics would have looked cutting edge, maybe, in 2005 at the end of the original Xbox’s life cycle, but right now… not so much. Even so, what’s here still manages not to always provide an acceptable frame rate. Graphics whores need not apply.
In terms of the sound design, it was a stroke of genius to hire Mickey Rourke to voice this character. His gravelly, no nonsense style perfectly fits a shit-talking video game action hero. Unfortunately, he’s saddled with one-liners and smack talk so bad it’s almost awesome. Are we supposed to take this guy seriously? Are we laughing with him or at him when he calls a fallen foe “a fucking retarded fucking shit for brains”? The dialogue in this game is absolutely out of control. I just don’t get what the devs were going for. It’s almost as though Mickey Rourke suffers from a very real turrets disorder, and the sound guys just put him in front of a mic and said, “Have at it!” Shortly thereafter, random words, usually involving the F-bomb, just spewed out of his mouth and were tossed into the game. Really, this stuff must be heard to be believed. Mickey Rourke could have been used to great effect, and it’s unfortunate that didn’t happen. Even so, the audio vomit on display in “Rogue Warrior” is still one of its major highlights because it’s so unbelievably bad, and so unbelievably unpredictable. The music score didn’t even register with me.
Before I end this review, let me be clear. At the original price point of $50 or $60, pretty much no one should buy this game unless they absolutely must play every first-person shooter that exists and have money (and time) to burn. The fact that Bethesda released this as a full-priced retail product is absolutely baffling, and a little insulting, as this is, quality wise, on par with something like “Soldier of Fortune: Payback” (which, fittingly, retailed quite a bit below full retail price). Not only is the game extremely dated to look at, it can be finished in four or five hours of play on the normal difficulty setting, and offers very little incentive to come back for more, even if you do enjoy what it has to offer. Because of this egregious error in pricing, it’s understandable to me the vitriol that was spewed against the game upon its release – which, I might add, was at around the same time as “Modern Warfare 2.” As the price descends, however (I only paid $25), the game becomes more agreeable to those like me who have the time, energy, and will to play every action game ever made. It’s basically a bad action movie that’s entertaining for mostly all the wrong reasons – think Steven Seagal. Hell, Marcinko even has a ridiculous pony tail, so the similarities are definitely there.
With its short length, its constant action, and its baffling use of Mickey Rourke’s voiceover, it’s definitely something I don’t regret playing. But hey, I actually seek out games like this, the ones every reviewer basically warned me not to play. Maybe it’s morbid curiosity, or maybe I’m just too nice, but I’d rather play a game like “Rogue Warrior” than not play a game at all. Still, having said that, this works only on a “so bad it’s good” level, and that ain’t everybody’s cup of tea.
FINAL SCORE: 5.0 (Mediocre for 25 bones; Bad for 60)
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